Homesickness hurts. It’s like having no air for some good seconds. Homesickness hurts slowly and intense. It makes you feel nostalgic. And it’s so suddenly triggered, so deviously and cruel. You sense a fragrance, you hear a song or a name, you see a picture or a book… And this gives you an overwhelming moment. The memories are flowing and amalgamating like a crazy hurricane. And it drowns you, suffocates you and lets you exhausted and with no power.
A colleague is giving you a cake his grandma baked and you suddenly have in front of your eyes that tiny lady you called granny. That granny which pounded your wounds when you fell off the bike. That granny which cuddled you while sleeping and dreaming cartoons. And then you remember her and miss her. But all you can do is to look to the sky and say „Hello granny, I hope you are well.”
You see few kids playing outside and you realize that they are brothers. Two boys bugging a little girl, and she is not crying, she is happy. And then you want to stop the time, and the world and the sun. You grab your phone and call your brothers „Hey, how are you? I miss you!”
You miss your friend from high-school too. She was someday your best friend. You started smoking together and you shared the same red jeans, because they were too expansive so both of you can have a pair. You played hide and seek at 17 and you had more fun than at 8. Both of you loved puffs and made the manicure to your dogs. Now, there is an ocean between you, and people and you both took different paths. Call her. Tell her you miss her.
You miss home. You miss your dad caressing your hair, and that time when you where 5 and he was carrying you on his shoulders. You miss your mom… what words can describe better the light in her eyes when she sees you? Or the happiness you sense in her voice when you talk with her? You miss the pillow you used to sleep on in your parents house, you miss the streets of your childhood, the books you first learned to read, the first stereo with cassettes, the big cuckoo clock from the living room, the ballerina figurine from the hallway dresser, the macrame cloth from the Christmas dinner table, the apple pie, the cheap chewing gum you bought from the corner store, the first pen, the ink on your fingers, the school uniform with the white collar, the teachers, the sandwiches with butter and cheese, the first doll. You miss your childhood.
But did you ever miss you? Your optimism, kindness, smile and happiness? Did you miss you from those moments when you don’t hate, envy or hurt? From those moments when you don’t upset your loved one? Did you miss you from those moments when you glow and share unconditioned love? Make time to find yourself again.
Saudade – has no direct translation in English. The word origin is Portuguese and Galician. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves.